Today I planned to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless people in my town, but things didn’t work out. I’ve cooked for the past two Saturdays so far. The guy who runs things has a difficult personality, and last Saturday: we clashed. After I left I felt terrible for days due to the negative effects of being around this guy. He had asked me to do the desserts and said that he would call to let me know. I prayed a lot about it. I decided that if he called, I would come through for him, because my word is important to me. But I was also praying that he wouldn’t call, because I dreaded being in his presence again. I guess the feeling was mutual, because I never heard anything more from him. Part of me feels hurt and angry, but mostly I am totally relieved not to have to deal with him anymore. I wasn’t the only one in the kitchen who was uncomfortable. I’m told that there is a huge turnover due to the stress and anger that he spreads around. My time and skills are precious, and life is short. If I’m unappreciated and unhappy, it’s best for me to move on. I move on knowing that my heart was in the right place and I did my best to get along with him. I also helped to feed over 100 people.
So here I am alone on Thanksgiving again. Rather than cry in my merlot, I decided to ask myself some proactive questions to help me move on:
Why did I volunteer to begin with?
-Because I was once homeless and know how it feels.
-Because providing nourishment is one of the most basic ways to love a fellow human being
-Because I was hoping to have fun and meet new people with similar interests
So today I ask: What next, Lord?
I am making lists of other ways to get these things I long for.
Small but potent ideas are coming to me!
Meanwhile I will leave you with these amazing words from Leonard Cohen, as well as a mini-concert below.
(His gravely voice grows on you, doesn’t it?)
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That is how the light gets in