You see, I’ve always been weird…
In a world that encourages people to be like sheep and follow what everyone else is doing, being weird is a very lonely way to be. When I was younger, I did whatever I could to try and fit in. I pushed my weirdness down, but it always eventually found a way to express itself. Instead of playing Barbies with the girls, I’d be out in the junkyard collecting tadpoles with the boys. Then, of course, the girls would shun me. I never really felt like I fit in anywhere. My experience of love was always attached to judgment. I thought that I needed to fit in to be deemed worthy of love. When I got good grades and did what was expected of me, I received love and approval. But when the opposite was true, all the love evaporated. (Even though that was when I needed love the most!)